Peace in Pieces

Autumn evening skies are some of my favorites. While I am a warm-weather gal at heart (long live summer!), the vivid hues of changing leaves illuminated by the brightness of sunsets captivate me every year. God’s artistry is on full display this season, and I soak up every moment I can manage.

A couple of weeks ago, I was outside with my husband doing some work around the yard. It had been one of those typical Michigan autumn days of alternating sunshine and rain, and we were capitalizing on the period of sunshine before the next round of rain moved in. I happened to look out across the field behind our house and, once again, I was struck by the beauty of the sunset; however, this time, it was for a different reason. The sky directly above me was so vividly blue, with wisps of cotton candy pink clouds. But just beyond those beautiful blue skies was a menacingly dark gray billow of storm clouds. It was the most striking contrast; dark heaviness surrounded by a bright and airy glow.

I immediately felt the Lord speak to my heart. Isn’t that just like our journey on this earth? We stand beneath dark clouds of pain, but God is always at work, painting beauty into the scene, and surrounding us with his love.

I recently read the book, Everybody, Always, by Bob Goff. While the entire book was incredible and I highly recommend reading it, one line seemed to lift off the page and I can’t get it off my mind – “wrapped in agony and enveloped in love” (Goff, 2018). Some of my darkest seasons have produced the most beautiful displays of God’s immense love and provision. Did He instantly remove me from those trials when I asked? Absolutely not. Did He prove his faithfulness and grace by carrying me through them, showing glimpses of beauty, and building my faith along the way? Time and time again, yes.

I have experienced that moment of sitting alone on the floor of my bedroom in tears wondering if my husband would ever feel “normal” again after a horrible, years-long battle with crippling anxiety, only to have God give me the strength to step up in His power to care for my family and prove to myself that through Him I was stronger than I had assumed. Later I would see my husband thriving and using this experience to minister and love others going through the same thing. I have felt the devastation of yet another miscarriage, and years later found that I was able to empathize and walk with other young ladies through that same heartbreak, showing them my beautiful son and daughter as a testament to God’s faithfulness. I have grieved the crushing loss of my grandpa, affectionately called “Pappy”, yet felt a fire ignite within my heart to carry on his legacy as I stood at his memorial services hearing story after story of how Pappy had encouraged, loved, and led people to Jesus. I could go on and on with similar experiences, but one theme is clear; while I would rather not have gone through those seasons at all, I can look back and see that even when I felt wrapped in agony, I was most certainly enveloped in love.

We often forget the reality that beauty and pain can and do coexist. When we find ourselves in that paradox, we have a choice to lean into one or the other. Will you succumb to the grip of the pain and darkness, or melt into the beauty of God’s grace that sustains us and provides unexpected blessings that come from challenging times?

Romans 5:3-5 TPT reads, “But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble we have a joyful confidence knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can not experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us!”

I choose to lean into the beauty, to look beyond the dark clouds to the bigger picture of the masterpiece God is painting for my life, and to experience the endless love of God cascading into my heart.